“Trust is to human relationships what faith is to gospel living. It is the beginning place, the foundation upon which more can be built. Where trust is, life can flourish.”
Barbara Smith
Trust is the magic ingredient that makes connection and listening possible. When present with another or others, we connect more fully and are being present to listening and engaging. We can move the world. When there is doubt about our trust of a person or a group, we do not listen as intently, we hear the judgmental voice in our head wondering if what the person is saying is trustworthy.
I, and I am sure you, have been in many situations where I just know what the person is saying will not occur. There are many people that are habitually late – how can we trust them? Well, the first place I go is to trusting my own sense – OK, they are likely to be late so I will be on time and patiently wait. Of course, the value of being with them has to be high enough to make this investment. If being on time is the only issue they have, and they are reliable for keeping their word otherwise, I can trust them.
In a group setting, it takes more to develop trust. Lots of questions abound, “Do I fit in?” “What if they don’t like me?” “What are the rules?” “Are the rules enforced?” Usually we come in with a friend or associate and get the lay of the land from that person. At least we have an anchor. This person can show us around, introduce us to others. Get us connected. In a way, our trust of the group and individuals in it is based on their experience and guidance.
In The Surround, I often start meetings with a trust building exercise. They are all geared to showing each man that he is crucial to the group, to holding up the group, to giving to and receiving from the group. While being serious in the way that it builds this important principle, these exercises are also fun and physical which helps to break the ice and get all the men, especially new ones, to connect. It’s hard to fail in these exercises and they quickly build connection and trust.
It is from this connection and trust that true listening arise. These three principles form the basis of the work in The Surround. From these basics, men can explore their higher purpose in life, the context they hold, what they hear and do to sabotage both of these. Most important is that they can be together in the circle, tell their truth, be a mirror to the other men so each can see his truth. From this, they go out into life and be more powerful and greater freedom as men in all ways, fathers, husbands, workers. The result is a better world for them, for their children, and for all.